Luckily, I am not a Roman emperor, so the pressure to thoroughly suss this out is low. However, I will share, and realize that this will continue to evolve.
People are entire universes—each person you meet can introduce a new way of being. “What is it they see? Oh, that perspective feels good. How did they figure that out?” It may be as simple as “What is it exactly that I love about them?”
I’ve heard that we become what we love. If we love a lot, perhaps we are rich in our own being.
Here are some things I’ve learned from folks that have helped me love my own life more, and keep in mind that this cannot do them the justice they deserve:
Greg is his own muse. He used to stand by this Henry David Thoreau quote- “live the life you have imagined.” For him, this meant putting on jazz music as you cook a sweet meal, wearing cozy socks and other pieces of clothing that inspire you, having fresh flowers in a vase, waking up early to celebrate breakfast with friends, and acknowledging that life is happening now. For him, it also meant moving to NYC. He knew he wanted that, and committed to it. He very much lives his imagined life. Our friendship has continued to evolve and shift over the last twenty years, but the constant bell of truth: we both want to enjoy our lives. How do we honor that independently while helping to enhance that for one another, respectfully? I’ve learned a lot about being yourself boldly and having fun. Also, he has a sense of humor that is unmatchable.
My mom. My mom is, hands down, the most difficult person I’ve ever come in contact with. Sound like a familiar dynamic, to my fellow mother-and-daughter duos? My mom speaks in a way that naturally vibrates against any sort of peace I’ve been able to grasp. She is very honest, but also very precious, and it sort of just pisses you off. Because you know you love her, and you know she is gonna hurt your feelings, whether she means to or not. What I have loved about getting to know her better as an adult is that she likes to live her life like she likes to live it, and it ain’t none of your business to criticize it—and even if you do, she will not change for your comfort. But, if she really loves you, and you’ll know when she does through a subtle yet sturdy loyalty, you’ll start to witness the small changes she makes to share. What I’ve learned exactly, in words? Patience. Compassion. A sense of humor that’ll kick you in the nuts. She is a survivor. She’s learning just like the rest of us, and I have loved watching it. I am so relieved and grateful and blessed and proud to be her daughter.
Katherine- an easy one to write. Katherine is perhaps the most generous person I know. We know the quote, and it was recently referenced in a movie I watched: “attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” When you offer Katherine space, you are offered extreme attention. She watches for quirks and listens for games and allows herself to jump on your wavelength for the sake of connection. She affirms, and weaves, and shows her heart. She is multi-talented and extraordinarily gifted, but it is how she chooses to distribute those gifts that I am inspired by. She follows the melody of her soul, and creates harmony with others’. Katherine reminds me to expose my heart, on occasion. We are all better for it, and from knowing her. Goody is a goody goody and will forever be my sweet, dear goody goody—she didn’t let me push her away when I was going through my own rough times, and that’s the sort of gift you can’t imagine.
Ron was my man. Forever affectionately referred to as my Dumbledore. I still have visions of him and his wisdom, and character. He was everyone’s Dumbledore—that’s the trick. Ron was balanced: welcoming, but not over-giving. There was a clarity of pleasure in seeing someone. When I was 13, Ron gathered me, Greg, and our friend Jennifer into a group and hosted a “Ron-talk.” This is when you got a firm talking to about a concern that keeps coming up, guiding us to acknowledge it ourselves. Ron pointed out that we were leaders and encouraged us to spread the wealth with other classmates instead of remaining as this towered clique—an a-ha moment. The intentions weren’t bad, we were just hanging out with each other because it was comfortable and fun. But the opportunity to know other people and help them feel included might make more of the experience for everyone. Ron had a way of seeing practically, but gently and with space for optimism.
Lauren has been sort of a Dumbledore-type figure, funnily enough. We met in an improv class, and after day one we all went to grab drinks, and she and I sat next to one another. There was a cockroach walking around on the patio outside and I made some sort of comment about it—I’m pretty sure I was freaked out. She responded with “you think he’s spying on us?” It was an instant recognition for me- “oh hey.” Months later we grabbed lunch on a break and she pulled out a notebook to write down something we were talking about. An even more inspired reaction- “we can do this?!” She recognizes that life is art. She is the closest thing to THE ARTIST’S WAY in a walking person. She so nimbly and adeptly swerves any problem or worry into something deeper you’re trying to communicate with yourself, or challenges you to see it as a gift. Lauren’s home is this moving art gallery for spiritual connection and play—things are always changing and moving, and there are treats around every corner. It was Lauren who fervently stated my being as an artist. It was Lauren who helped me find and celebrate my own light. Lauren is the real secret agent—playfully stirring inspiration reminding folks to live, while also honoring inner peace. Excited to see what unfolds for her.
Val. High school theatre teacher! Taught me how to be a leader when in a position of power, and how to take that responsibility seriously. She taught me how to take pride and ownership of where you are: if you see trash on the ground, pick it up and throw it away—a lesson that working at Disney World enforced. She inspired me to be good-spirited. She taught me to dig deeper upon meeting an impulse, exploring the WHY in words.
Dad! A man who just wants to have a good time. He has taught me how to create your own adventures, even in the little things. He taught me how to brighten the day of the person you’re with—that being in a good mood does take energy but it’s worth it for the sake of the experience. He taught me that you have to live with you, so you better like it. He taught me that it’s okay to try to make yourself laugh instead of the people around you, because then at least you’re having fun. He taught me that sometimes you have to fake confidence until it becomes a part of you. He taught me that being silly is extremely freeing- you can’t imagine the made-up songs I’ve heard in my lifetime. And the Seinfeld-worthy jokes that are etched into my mind forever. He taught me to question things; when I started being old enough to understand pieces of what was being communicated at church, he would say to consider some things as metaphors, and that some lessons were outdated, and that it was important to listen but not stick to any of it as law. He taught me to consider the possibilities of what life could be, in a philosophical and metaphysical sense. He taught me that “silence is golden,” and that “hands are for helping, not hurting.” He taught me how to just go ahead and do the practical things practically so that you can enjoy the rest—take care of business! Also, sometimes things don’t work out how we imagined and that’s okay—it is no reason to judge yourself or the experience as “bad.” I went to my first audition around 8 or 9-years-old, and didn’t get it. Everyone who didn’t get kept was sad, and I was a little sad. I went out and told him, and he, without skipping a beat, simply said “but that’s okay!” I think we went and got ice-cream and kept moving ‘til the next one.
Ben & Emily are hardworking, good people. They surprised me on my birthday a few years ago with streamers strung throughout our shared home, and a homemade key lime pie. They show up for people and for themselves. They’ve sat through a lot of shit with me. In fact, they are probably two of my most honest friendships as they’ve allowed space for me to be my worst. They’re individuals and don’t need a combined blurb, and I think I am still learning from each of them. They’re good people, and I’m lucky that they sort of took me under their wings, is how it feels.
All for now. <3