With social media as a coparent, our identities and personal brands are crafted alongside, often before, many of our standard life lessons are presented. We invite folks to judge the canvas on which we think, curate, and log. I’ve learned in recent years that sharing from a place of truth opposed to control changes its reception, and I like this shift. The dangerous crossover lies in real life when someone has crept online before getting to know us authentically in-person. What if the online messaging contrasts with the human one wants to believe you are? What if someone has crafted an image of who you are from real-life interactions, and then gains access to a “TMI,” (or “too much information,”) overflowing of inner worlds that makes them feel betrayed because they haven’t put in the work to connect the dots in-person? Harsh way to phrase it, but, brevity; and certainly not universal - workin’ on percolation.
That’s a tangent I wasn’t intending to make this morning.
At what point do we start living beyond the meticulously crafted persona? At what point do we let ourselves off the hook, particularly if we are not in a position of power? Often I feel we are very hard on our Leaders when we ourselves lift nary a finger. Perhaps this is where intention is important: are you Leading for Power, or are you leading because it’s the right thing to do; or circumstance? I’ve learned that different classes of people have different morals: political, romantic, professional. If we are not in a position of Power, shouldn’t we celebrate our political freedom of Being? Frankly, I don’t have to be any one particular idea for anyone right now. Isn’t that rich?
I’ve felt a great guilt owning my label as Artist. I really have. Because I know, from real life, that we all have expansive, often dense, varying perspectives, stories, and traumas — some of us have not dug deep yet and some of us have. I need art. I have always felt an impassioned connection to truth. Deep and painful truths at times. I protect myself. Part of me does want to listen to each and every one of you with great intention so that I may pour love and understanding into you; because I’ve been at a place where I needed this, and because I genuinely love people. My family loves people, even when we forget—we are all whiny babies but we love people. Relatively, I’ve been lucky and I do not wish to draw villains despite a cacophony of wrongdoings; great deal of emotional (and otherwise) pain since I was a child, but we are adults now and responsibility is shared. This shit is passed down; see: generational. My parents had it tough, and I had it tough because they had it tough, etc. The work that I’ve put in to understand where this toxicity comes from and how to navigate through it is artistic. I know that we are all artists with varying levels and directions of intention, and resources.
The truth is, now, I am still managing the practicalities of survival from limited resources. This makes me angry because many of us are bound to a life of work that can’t make room for healthy expression and/or peaceful connection. My most successful balance has been maintaining one full-time job that covered my expenses with little left over, and maniacally writing, painting, drawing, playing music, exercising, cooking… in my spare time. Most of us can’t get by with one job anymore, even with a degree from the University of Georgia and two decades of intentional hard work. Most of us can’t afford the time, space, or resources to express frustration or joy respectfully - on a canvas. Yet, Leaders easily make over 6-figures, take vacations, have multiple homes, and sometimes aren’t even baseline kind to you in passing.
THIS IS WHERE things get tricky: in many ways, we are taught the rules. Play the part.
As an artist, your mission is truth.
Historically, we’ve seen that rules and truth don’t always align. Now, I do appreciate rules and they have been a glorious guideline for how I navigate through life. In fact, I quite like the rules because I do believe in good intent; an idea gleaned from DEI discussion guidelines from an organization I worked for in the past.
Many of the folks I’ve known who are Leaders making over 6-figures, I can appreciate. Some of them have given me life-changing advice; some, opportunities. Some took me under their wing and taught me how to do this thang (life) better. My hesitations arrive from clear difference in reality. We can’t forget that these folks are human, too. I don’t deny their hard work and dedication, and their apparent gratitude for the circumstantial luck and earned opportunity. But your standards are, and should be, different. So mutual curiosity is necessary as I come from deep roots in the red-clay ground where abuse was once functional.
Can I be a proper leader (lowercase l) while maintaining this identity as Artist? What if stepping into my power as an artist is leading? An artist who seeks to connect emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, while not causing any sort of political unrest — this is happening on its own. What if my connection to money is terribly harmed, so sharing is service, while work is duty? I honor, respect, and celebrate the hands that feed me, which I’ve also learned working for a particular organization in the past - my forms of expression are independent. In fact, perhaps supportive, as I believe in the value of capitalism. (I do, I’m sorry! It gives us purpose, routine, and structure.) And creation lightens us, to be able to fully focus on the work you are paid to do. Is this a worth thing? That I can barely fathom a life where…
In my dreams, I am a full-time artist making enough money to responsibly build upon a life I’ve already been living. However, contract work and tax-handling are not somethings I love to manage; I fear breaking rules, and is that stress worth the compromise? The benefit of regular full-time jobs… are the benefits. And, I consider the long-term impacts of pursuing and supporting your own vision—I’m not a blood-thirsty whipper-snapper. (Is this phraseology okay?) So what if our dreams are meant to be separate? What if the art I create is a mere escape from the mundane for that very purpose? To do this full-time, I might get lost. You’d need the backing of a proper organization to keep you in line and constitute expectations. When it comes to work connected to income, my greatest asset tends to be communicating with people; not perfectly straight lines and flawless grammar. So real-life: interpersonal; human. I’m the person you’d “love to grab a drink with.” Or, I once was.
I hate to be a stick in the mud about all this. Some folks, I absolutely encourage to be full-time artists because they have the clear talent and will to lead them to the right resources for boundless success. Personally, even with these signs and opportunities of my own, and pushes from friends, I’m not willing to publicly escape myself - particularly when I don’t feel resolved in very meaningful areas of my life here on the ground. At real work, I am here to listen to you: What do you need?
What if what I have to say is not important?
And what if it is?
Peace to ya. Mad love to you, if I know you. If I don’t, I hope we meet and chat one day.
Alright, bye.