Hello, beautiful people. I see through Analytics that I have occasional consistent readers/curious viewers. I don’t know who you are, but I love you, and your presence.
I’ve made another bold move - walking away from a gig going from part-time to full-time. (“WHAT THE HECK AM I THINKING?! WHAT ABOUT HEALTH INSURANCE?!”) I have health insurance, (I think,) and am experiencing a nicely abundant time in my life. It isn’t perfect, but it is a once-in-a-lifetime chance, if you ask me, and I feel proud to be taking it. “Slowly by slowly, one travels far.”
What else?
Got rejected from a Master’s Program, but I think this is okay. Starting a lot of projects, and not quite, yet, finishing them. Collaborating with friends more, and having a seat at the table. Having some experiences. I don’t know, it’s been a good summer. Summers have historically been rough because I’ve colored them that way - “you expect me to expose my large white, chunky, pasty jiggles with dark hair to the common man? And to sweat through it, my all-blacks, and my make-up? (which I had to wear at the time.)” Or, alternatively, hiding by staying indoors - I know - so much wasted time. This summer, I’ve got all my hairs. The jigglies are simply jiggling. I’m sweating and moving and am being seen in all her pasty glory, and am learning to move through it all regardless. It’s a gift! Well, for me. I can’t carry the burden of your disgust anymore, yanno - or my projection of your disapproval. Or my own! This is my body, and I’m using it to move through the world - both, thank you, and you’re welcome. 🖕
I saw BARBIE with a buddy yesterday - I need women to have one big conference call to discuss. All. women. Because although I label myself as “gay,” and I think about women dating their only known predator, man (concept from somewhere else - and I’ll start being better at crediting,) and I never want to disrespect and be an embodiment of that toxicity in woman-form, because I do know that I romanticize romantic relationships with other women occasionally, we still must remember that I, too, am a woman. So where do I go? (Hint: thanks to the leadership of an old connection, I am continuing to learn and love my own independence.) I have faced and felt that feeling of objectification, and even if it isn’t in a consciously sexualized way, you’re still being judged because you don’t or do look right by someone whose opinion, hypothetically, shouldn’t make a difference to you - I’ll hop off the unclear soapbox. AND I have obviously been judging and hurting my own feelings because I won’t look like (commercialized) “BEAUTY.” We are rewriting what beauty means to us, as individuals. CHEERS TO US. *actually hops off soapboax this time* (hint: was never on soapbox)
Not blonde, over 30, jiggly, single, and does not work a typical 9-5. Yet, here I am, believing that I am worth this space, and I’m grateful for the chance.
Note: this blog was written in empowerment - cannot promise, in real life, full consistent feelings of beauty and strength - yet.
(And what of this obsession with beauty?)
Life should be richer than what we post to the internet - what we soak from screens.
So that’s all for now.
Love. 🤢❤️