I have a twin brother, so you’d think friendship was built in to my experience, but we never really got along. Secretly, occasionally, we’d crack each other up, but mostly we were navigating our own lives, and ways to get attention/affirmation from our parents. My parents were really social - both of them, still are.
For me, I’ve gone through what I imagine are the normal cycles of life - we have friends, some go, and some stay. Sometimes we go, but I’m less crafted like this: once a friend, always a friend. (Unless you’ve proven yourself to be somewhat of a despicable person.)
Having friends, real friends, is very humbling - they say the things you try to avoid in yourself, for better or for worse. Sometimes if you’re one of the ones saying too much, perhaps from a deeply hurt place, you make an effort to change because the value of a particular friendship is more important than recycling a harmful perspective. Sometimes if you make an effort to communicate something weighing on you to a friend, and they vocalize their inability to carry this with you right now, you respectively take breaks and hope that you find your ways back to one another in a healthier format, but also consider that maybe you were never really friends. Sometimes, “friends” just use you as someone to beef them up as a sidekick while they are focused only on their own goals and ambitions - it is not their responsibility to take care of you.
But sometimes folks come in who continue to show up for you. You try to walk away amidst some grief, and they say “No.” They don’t punish you for having human feelings, and they let you show your worst self because they trust who they formed this friendship with all those years ago. Sometimes these people surprise you with coffee creamer at your home because you texted that you were studying, and sad that you couldn’t indulge in human’s best fuel. Sometimes these people dedicate a song in a show to you. Sometimes they leave a necklace they found at a vintage shop on your car while you are at work, with a little note. Sometimes they show up to your college graduation, and sometimes they travel hours to see you perform in a musical. Often times, we eat food together; often with our families. Sometimes they partner up with other friends to put together a care package for you after you’ve received devastating news. Sometimes they bring you a homemade burrito because they made two, and some fresh dragonfruit. Sometimes they call you because they have a layover in your city, or are passing through on a road-trip. Sometimes they aren’t mad at you for not joining the bachelorette or girls’ trip. Sometimes, they bring you a roll of toilet paper. Often times, they inspire you.
Sometimes they make you an ugly craft present that you keep because it came from them. Sometimes they tell you they want to hang out, then come over and lay horizontal on the floor for hours, and you let them because they seemed to have needed it. Sometimes they face who they think you deserve to be vs. how you’re currently navigating, and they communicate a serious request for you to pivot. And sometimes, they tell you that you yearned for someone who was no good. Sometimes, they point out when you’re unhappy before you’ve been able to understand this relationship within yourself. Sometimes, they’re asking you to step up.
I would say that most of my life has been focused on my ART, my craft - and how to make a fine living - with the gift of deep platonic friendships by circumstance. The truth is, I’ve complained so much about these people. They get under my skin! I often didn’t value them in real-time towards the beginning because I was irked by something they said or did, and how that rubbed up against my perspective of the world. With time, I understand that this, too, was valuable. I took chances I never would’ve taken. I considered ways of living I didn’t otherwise have access to. My life, ultimately, blooms into these effervescent mosaics of a broad range of loves wrapped into my existence, which is sometimes hard to acknowledge: how much I have loved, and love. As an adult, it’s a little more difficult because people are prickly. But when you successfully crossover into a mutual appreciation for what the other brings to your life, and choose to be present in that as time allows… I love friendship. And I love growing into better people together every day.