Do you have the momentum to pursue your dreams?
I moved to NYC right out of college, because it’s always what I wanted to do. I didn’t have a clear life-plan in place. In fact, only moments prior, I decided that I’d want to write comedy. From imagination to words, I thought that everything would fall into place as I gallantly galloped off to the place where magic happens.
It was exhausting. A number of times, I thought, NYC is here—outside—it would be so nice to stay inside; watch content; scour the web. I feel a bit of shame about this because I don’t want to prefer my digital world to the real one.
When I came back down south, there were still many years when I’d want to stay in but pushed myself to go out. Only now am I able to really indulge in the fullness of desires that I actually wanted all these years: I wanted to eat whatever I wanted, and I wanted to stay in. I wanted to watch movies and programs and not have people being mad at me for existing. Not that people are mad at me for existing, but I’m a sensitive woman and don’t always say, do, act, or look the right way amongst their expectations. Many years of contorting myself to appear popular has turned into many years of being fiercely independent.
As I’ve had a lot of time and space to clean out others’ expectations for who I ought to be, I am understanding who I want to be. While there is distance between myself and my own ideal of what success in this life looks like, there is a gentle contentment with what I’ve done and what I still may do. If we are lucky, life is long—it’s always too short—but we can’t do everything at once. We can authentically experience each day as we’re gifted, and sometimes, I have to shift my focus from making something of myself to survival. Solidifying your essentials is paramount to longterm wealth, in more forms than financial. This includes learning, relearning, unlearning, and experimenting. “Can I get away with just working an office job?” Maybe.