Pet peeve, and valuable lesson.
Cleaners are coming to the house I’m sitting at, relatively early, so I got out of there even earlier, after tidying most of my own mess out of respect. I booked it to my favorite coffee shop and place to work. 15 minutes after opening - it was not open. Do I wait, or do I scoot to the next best option?
I am not remote today due to a scheduling shift in the office. But I have plenty to do IN the office by the end of the week, so today must be used fully in 9-5 land. But I’m having a little fun keeping up with this. So, early!
Chrome Yellow it is. Get my latte in a mug to stay. Sun is still working on coming up. One hour to type away. Not that this rests solely on my shoulders, but I don’t want to be who [name of first coffee shop attempted, redacted] was to me this morning, to our faculty. So I’ll arrive by 8:30am, dangit. ALSO - I have to leave 9-5 (8:30am-5:15pm) at 4:30pm today because of a petsitting meet-and-greet across town, and then an early business dinner. Rewarded with two remote days for the remainder of the week. We are pushing through.
All my business!
Here’s more: I spoke with a colleague earlier this week - a real one - about relationships. We talked about how and where to meet people. I almost want to laugh as I type this now. A goal that used to define me, “finding my person,” has been shelved. This is one of the reasons I’m so grateful to have gone through some emotional pain for the last many years. Because I’ve been forced to take my power out of the hands of pretend people. I’m barely offering space for loved ones who have stuck it out with me. This season, for me, is for me. Well - for my work, which is for me too.
I do bitch, but, I might be happy. Really do feel like I’m learning. My community is flavorful and robust. There’s more to be done, but that I am experiencing goodness by happenstance fills me. Like intentions are coming back in cool ways.
Also experiencing dark shit. Witnessed a suicide two weeks ago. Kicked me straight. Not the first time I’ve seen something tangential to this, or have had conversations surrounding suicide. I don’t want to overshare other folks’ business, and it is potentially sick to share this, but I’m lucky that this particular witnessing was of a stranger. It’s very sad; devastating. Grounds a balance of being, for sure.
Do I need to write about our political climate in the U.S.? I’m afraid to. In fact, I’m approaching this exercise with a bit of “balls to the walls” because who’s to say what our digital (and otherwise) worlds will evolve into over the next few… weeks, even. This shit is moving fast. Am I reacting to the news? Is this all about ratings and fear-mongering? I fear, parallels.
OKAY. Question. What is totally dumb to write about on the internet? Like, is this dumb? I’m still waking up. It’s essentially Morning Pages. These are not poetic pieces of soul - it’s processing - blogging. Maybe that is poetic pieces of the soul. Ugh.
Speaking too soon vs. not speaking at all? Just writing.
Have good Wednesdays.